Take 20
Personal Development Advice, Tools to Improve The Quality Of Your Life

“Nothing is worth more than this day.”

- Goethe

What’s all this hoopla about living in the now?

Of course you’re living in the now! You’re breathing, moving, and existing in the now! Everything you do is being done right now; so what could people possibly mean by live in the now?

Remember when you were just a child? Your only aspirations were those of wanting to be a “fireman” or a “princess” or a “ballerina”. You didn’t spend your days pondering your future, or reflecting on your past. Every day was like a new life, full of opportunity. Wouldn’t you give anything to be able to experience that bliss once again?

This truth raises a burning question; have we lost touch with our inner child over the years, and forgotten what it means to be alive? We spend most of our time working our butts off so that we can buy that awesome new car, or that cute new purse we’ve been wanting for so long.

Then, and only then, can we enjoy ourselves in the present moment.

Then, and only then, do we let our inner child out to play again.

The enjoyment lasts for a moment, and then we are off to the races once again, moving towards our next toy… our next enjoyment fix.

There Must Be Something More to Life

Is this all there is to life; a blur of movement followed by momentary pauses of “joy” and accomplishment? I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be. Many experts in human psychology say that one of the most powerful motivational forces behind human behavior is the desire to be great.

The bum on the street still has the desire of being great one day. Those who are already great strive to be even greater tomorrow. You desire to be great. I desire to be great. But somewhere in the midst of experiencing this powerful desire, we forget what it means to be alive.

We find ourselves constantly striving to be something we aren’t today. We strive to make more money, we strive to build our character, we strive to find the “perfect mate”, we strive to educate ourselves in hope of finding a good job in the future. But when does this ever stop? When do we ever truly get there?

When we land the job of our dreams, or find our “perfect mate”, do we just roll over in a state of bliss and proclaim to ourselves, “I’ve arrived!”? The last time you reached a goal did you arrive somewhere, or did you proceed to set your sights toward something farther off in the distance?

If you answered “something farther off in the distance,” you can bet that’s the same feeling you’ll experience when you begin reaching the momentous goals you set in your earlier days. Life is constantly changing. We are always, and will always be moving towards our next goal. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t live in the now.

Choose to Love Each Moment

Our days of childhood were great in that we were in a constant state of bliss. There was no real world responsibility of having to provide for yourself and your family. Mommy and daddy took care of everything, and you went about your business playing kickball in the middle of the street.

Unfortunately, these responsibilities do exist now and we have to be aware of them, otherwise we will end up like the bum on the street. Despite this reality, we can still attain a state of bliss similar to the one experienced in our childhood days. The key is to love each moment as it passes by.

Of course there will be bad days and bad experiences, such is life; it’s always in a state of flux. However, we can minimize the number of these moments by building a life around the things we enjoy.

School and work are common sources of pain and numbness. I don’t understand why so many people spend their days in school hating school, or their days at work hating work. It’s possible to love these times in your life also.

Choose a major you enjoy. Choose a field of work you love. Surround yourself with positive people who make your day more enjoyable. If you’re already in a position that you don’t like, simply acknowledging this fact is progress in the right direction. Soon enough you’ll find yourself living a more agreeable lifestyle.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past two years living in the future. I’ve always focused on how much better the future will get, and have always been striving to improve my future. I thought and thought and thought. I ceased to live in the now, and I always had a sensation in the back of mind telling me something wasn’t right.

This summer (which is sadly dwindling to an end), I made it a point to live in the now. I’ve surrounded myself with enjoyable activities such as martial arts, golf, reading about topics which interest me, writing these articles, and spending more time with my loved ones. I’ve picked up meditation and started feeling more connected with the present moment. This summer has been one of great awakening for me, and I have to attribute this to living in the now.

Be Mindful of the Past and Future

Living in the past and future is, for the most part, unproductive. Nothing can physically be accomplished when we dwell on the past or the future in our minds. When we spend our time reflecting on painful moments in the past, or worrying about the future, what we are really doing is taking away from our time in the present to make our lives better right now. If we’re going to dwell on the past, and postulate on the future, why not at least do it in a constructive way?

Learning from our mistakes is obviously an invaluable byproduct of being able to relive our pasts. When we choose to look into our past and evaluate our previous performances, we can gain valuable insight into how we can improve today. We learn from our mistakes, and we make corrections; forever improving our lives today.

Stop punishing yourself for your past mistakes. Stop pitying yourself for the pain in your past. Find the good in every pain, mistake, and failure. Many of the most successful people in our world today proclaim this ability is the single greatest cause of their success today; they can find the good in every bad.

Consciously Create Your Future

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” This statement is a powerful truth. If we do spend time in our heads contemplating the future, let’s do so constructively. Let’s not waste our time worrying or wondering about where we are headed. Instead, let’s assertively construct the future of our dreams in our minds, and then set out in the present to make this vision a reality.

Meditating upon the future as if it were present reality is extremely powerful. See the life you want to live through your eyes in your mind. Often times you will be amazed at how your vision, in time, manifests itself as your reality. This isn’t magic. By seeing it in your mind first, you will take necessary action to create it.

When you woke up this morning and thought of breakfast, you saw it in your mind first. You then went to the kitchen and created whatever it was you saw in your mind.

Hey, you predicted the future accurately!

It’s just as simple to apply this power of vision to all areas of your life and obtain the same outcome. It may take some more time to manifest the car of your dreams, or the house of your dreams, but in the end you will learn that you’re a pretty powerful “psychic” after all!

Evidently, meditating upon the past and the future should be aids which help make your present a better experience (it always comes back to the present!)

Take-Away Points

“Life sucks and then you die.” This doesn’t have to be your life. Your life can be filled with enjoyment, and the down moments can be the exceptions. Engulf yourself in enjoyable activities. Manifest your dreams in the present. Get back in touch with your blissful inner-child.

Don’t worry about the future, or dwell on painful moments in the past. Instead, make the most of the present moment. Set your goals, achieve them, revel in your achievement; and enjoy every step along the way. I’ve chosen to look at life as a journey, not as a destination. I’ve also chosen to look at success as a direction I choose, not some place at which I will “arrive”. These are extremely empowering mindsets.

Remember, this is the only moment in your life that you are truly alive. Once it’s gone, you’ll never get it back. So love it, embrace it, and make the most of it.

As Goethe once said, “Nothing is worth more than this day.”

Photo by supersonicphotos

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Women have got it made, if you ask me. All they have to do is sit back, look pretty, play hard to get, and reject guys who approach one by one.

Wait just a minute, “reject guys who approach one by one?” Which caveman rolled over and gave women the power to decide whether a man is acceptable or not? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying women should just accept every man who approaches them with open arms (there’s too many weirdoes for that). I am saying, however, that men should recognize we have the same power to accept or reject women, and we should start exercising this right starting NOW. Repeat after me, “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around.”

A Shift in Mindset

This is perhaps the most empowering mindset shift you can have if you want to increase your success with women. The belief, “I am evaluating HER to see if she is good enough for ME, not the other way around,” will change the way you act, reduce your fear of interacting with women, and will make you a more attractive individual.

As I stated in my article “Getting to know your inner-self”, our beliefs directly influence our actions. If you believe, “I have to impress this girl, and prove myself to her so she will like me,” your actions will be dictated by this belief, and your insecurity and neediness will shine through. If, instead, you believe, “I am evaluating this girl to see if she is good enough for me, she must prove herself to me,” your actions will be dictated by this belief, and your security and selectiveness will shine through. You can guess which mindset will lead to your increase in success with women.

All men, no matter how experienced, feel fear when approaching women. It is hard-wired into our nervous system, and it’s something which cannot be avoided. Men who approach and succeed are the men who act in spite of this fear. Now, if you have a needy mindset in which your success is tied to whether or not this specific girl chooses you, it will be hard to act in spite of fear. If, instead, you can reframe this mindset and realize that you too have the power to be selective with women, you will walk through the fear because no matter what, your success is independent of the situation.

Sometimes women remind me of big, bad Rottweilers, waiting to pounce on any unsuspecting man if he displays fear or insecurity. Women are extraordinarily good at picking up on these vibes. No, they aren’t psychic. When interacting with women, we men wear our fear and insecurity on our sleeve so everyone can see.

Before you decide to give up because we are dealing with seemingly psychic beings, understand we can use these circumstances to our advantage. If women are so used to sensing men’s fear and insecurity, how do you think they will react if you aren’t giving off those vibes? That’s right; you will automatically be sorted into the “one of a kind” column. This is exactly where you want to be, because the level of attraction she will be feeling for you at this point will be very high. After all, you are one of the few men she has ever met who isn’t intimidated by her good looks.

See what a simple shift of mindset can do for you?

Being Selective

The whole premise behind this mindset is selectivity. You are now becoming the selector, not the selected. I want you to close your eyes, and imagine a world in which you have the power to choose any woman you want to be with at any time. Yes, it’s a wonderful world to live in. The truth is this world doesn’t have to remain a fantasy; it can become your reality.

Part of our theory of selectivity relates to my article “Gain People’s Respect”. Once you have adopted our mindset of “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around,” you must choose to raise your standards. You must be particularly picky. Maintaining this mindset will increase your choice of women ten fold, so you can’t possibly have time to entertain all the women who are attracted to you. Just as physically attractive women have to reject men who don’t meet their expectations for the sake of time, you must begin to do the same. You should be able to look past the physical features of any woman, and be able to see her for who she really is. From here, you can filter out women who don’t suit your taste accordingly, and save yourself a lot of time.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a physically attractive girl (by luck, intoxication, or otherwise), you know the physical attraction doesn’t hold weight for long. Sure, you may have sex every day because you are so physically attracted to each other, but aside from this, there is no substance to the relationship (yes, there is a way to improve upon sex every day). Don’t settle for this type of relationship. There are plenty of women out there (3 billion to be exact). There is bound to be at least a few (a couple of million) whom you find physically attractive and are able to share a deeper connection with.

When interacting with a specific woman, maintaining our selective mindset of course, ask yourself a few questions. What makes her tick? How developed is her identity? How emotionally stable does she seem? Am I feeling chemistry? Does she meet my standards? What do I find attractive about her OTHER than her looks? By asking these questions, you are choosing to look past her physical appearance, and are evaluating her on a deeper level. We are aiming to improve the quality of our women, not the quantity of our women; and this is exactly how to ensure we accomplish this goal.

Take-away Points

Remember, it’s not only women who can be selective with men. You too can be selective with women. You’re an interesting guy, you’ve got a lot going for you, and you have high standards, so why are you letting yourself be the selected? You deserve better, you deserve to be the selector. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Approach each woman with the mindset, “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around”
• Be especially picky when selecting which girl is right for you, otherwise you will be wasting time realizing your girls don’t meet your expectations (having only a physical relationship, nothing deeper)
• It is critical we choose to look past the physical appearance of a girl, and evaluate her based on who she is, not what she looks like (assuming she’s initially met our criteria in the looks area)
• Keep telling yourself you are an interesting, attractive man; give yourself permission to be selective
• Continue to develop your talents, and continue to learn new skills in order to make yourself a more interesting man
• More clearly define your standards so the quality of women in your life improve, not only the quantity of women in your life

As usual, it will take some time for this mindset to work for you (no such thing as a quick fix). Be patient. Usually if it’s not working for you at first, it’s because you don’t truly believe the belief. Constantly reinforce the new belief in your mind through repetition. I guarantee you will see results in due time. Soon enough, you will be living in a world in which you can choose any woman you want, at any time. Your fantasy will now become your reality.

Photo by astragony

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